It’s been way too long since I’ve written, and I borderline dislike myself for giving up on this blog.
The fact of the matter is, I caught a lot of shit from some of my friends for writing the blog. And, well, I realized that it shouldn’t be about what they think… nor should it be about publicizing my writing.
Those who stumble upon this blog will read it, and they’re entitled to their opinions at that point. However, by force-feeding my inner thoughts to the masses through social media, I feel like i’m setting myself up to come under criticism. Accordingly, i’ll no longer publicize my posts through social media.
Why do I write?
I love it. My mind is churning 24/7, and, well, some of those thoughts absolutely need to spill out of my head and onto the computer screen… it makes me feel more at peace, liberated… calm.
I know that I have an inherent flaw in my character in that I seek outward validation far too often. For instance, not only do I need to DO something, I need to have people notice it. The end game of this rant is the following: I hope to buck this trend and stop asking people to notice me.
Rather, I’d want to create, accomplish, and do things that people can’t help but to notice.
In my opinion, that is the mark of someone truly great.
With all of that said, I realize now how important this blog is to me. Not from the standpoint of what the words within my post say, but in the fact that it exists… its available to me at any moment of any day to release my thoughts and feelings. Whether someone reads my post or not– well, that’s irrelevant. However, the inner peace I feel after clicking “Publish Post,” now that’s what it’s all about.
To be frank, since I stopped writing, I haven’t felt as good about myself. I also haven’t stuck to my diet.
Tonight, i’m leaving for Virginia to spend the weekend there… and then I have training for work on Monday and Tuesday. I’ll be back in the office Wednesday with no major vacations/trips/anything in my future. I see it as a time to cleanse my mind and body. So, i’ll say it to everyone who reads this… or no one, for that matter. The diet, and a road to a new me begins next Wednesday, and I want to write… religiously.
I’ve gone through a lot in the past week and its challenged my character. I’m not quite ready to fold just yet. I’m not ready to quit, and i’m not ready to sacrifice an inner peace and feeling of self-worth that I hold so dear.
I will reach my goals. I will carry on. And I will do things that inspire people to notice me, not things that people notice because I’m screaming at the top of my lungs about them.
As I said before,
I want to stop asking for people to notice me. Rather, I’d want to create, accomplish, and do things that people can’t help but to notice.
All of my love.